Porkymen Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time and SPACE
by TheYaldabaoth
Summary: Welcome to the world of Pokemon! Or at least its corrupted realm of pathetic basement dwellers and compulsive yaoi fangirls. But fear not; a young loser just like yourself travels to a world inhabited only by pokemon. You can put yourself in their shoes as we explore all the horrid corners of the pokemon fandom. WARNING: Humorous violence, adult themes, and HOMOEROTICISM lie ahead!


Porkymen Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time and SPACE

A/N: I do not own anything, not even the computer I'm typing this piece of crap from. I will warn you though: there will be adult themes and references, gratuitous violence, and bashes at all sectors of the pokemon fanbase, including the more "unsavory" minority of the fandom. I myself am a gigantic pokemon fan and am intrigued by the furry community(NO FLAMES PLZXXLOLXXD), so take all these jokes in jest.

For those of you who haven't experienced this game yet, I highly recommend playing it, as it is in fact a great game. The story is written very well for something from the pokemon franchise, or any franchise for that matter. Hell, the only reason I'm writing this thing in the first place is because the game was good enough to parody. The other reason you should play this game is because of the many, many references to the game itself that will be in this fanfic. Without proper background knowledge of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, your experiences with reading this parody will be greatly…ahem…_neutered_. So with that out of the way, let the story begin!

Prologue: Plot Device: Personality Quiz: Which Pokemon Will You Keep Retaking This Damn Quiz for in Order to Play as?

Hello!

Welcome to the world of Pokemon!

No, not that world where humans enslave powerful monsters to wreak vengeance on one another, nor is it the one where the damn meatbags gas innocent, widdle Pikachus while taking close-up pictures of a Charizard's ass.

No, in this world, there are no fleshies whatsoever; it is a world of Pokemon, and only pokemon.

Yes, Gamefreak has heard the cries and pleas of fans and furries alike, and has now created this game to let you the player play as the pokemon you fantasize about transforming into when they find a way to genetically alter animals into your Lopunny waifu.

This pokemon you will become will match your personality, as long as you answer the questions to this quiz honestly, and aren't using a guide. Because if you USE A GUIDE TO BECOME THE POKEMON YOU WANT TO BE, you will only be cheating yourself (and the $14.99 you paid to buy this game from the clearance bin). And you _really_ do not want to cheat yourself, whom you really are, by becoming a pokemon, a separate entity completely different from yourself, whom you would never become by answering the questions in this quiz honestly. Because you don't want to be anyone but yourself. Because you love yourself. I love myself. All our fans do, too.

Now let's go on a grand tale; answer these questions truthfully and become engrossed in the world of pokemon.

You're daydreaming (I don't even wanna know what of)…when your "friend" sprays you with water! What do you do?

*Get mad!*

Get sad.

Woo-hoo! Water fight

You see, this is why you don't have any friends; you get mad way too easily. Take a chill pill (the Prozac the doctor put you on), sit back in your chair, mouse in your right hand, schlong in the other, and be coooo…

The phone's ringing (probably your d***hole landlord again)! What do you do?

*Answer right away!*

Wait a bit before answering

Ignore it and let it ring

Goddammit, you lonelyassmotherf*****! Hasn't anyone ever called you before? What do you even use your phone for anyways? P*** on-the-go? You need to do something with your life (Just like your abusive father said when he was sober). Don't cry you little p****! Here you are, playing a video game for pre-adolescents, sitting in your mother's basement, waiting earnestly for the ring of your cell phone, a desperate reminder that others know you exist. What the s*** is wrong with you?! I bet yo fat momma's life that right now you are **** ******* in an ******** ******* a gardevoir body pillow right up the ******* with ******* while ******* in your jar of ***** using it as **** for ************ over pictures of Reggie. Imma find where you live and shove a ***** right up your—

You've just stuffed yourself with a good meal (that's a shocker) when a great dessert arrives. What do you do?

*Eat it. Who cares if I'm stuffed?*

Turn it down. It's too fattening.

Yum! I love dessert the most!

You're eating dessert even when you know you're full? Now it all makes sense: the stares you get walking down the sidewalk, on your way to pick up Top Ramen (that s*** is good!) from the nearest grocery store; when your family takes you out to dinner out of pity (and their pockets!), and every table around you is talking about whales. What whales? Did that hippie show, Whale Wars, get rebooted again? No, they're not talking about literal whales; they're talking about your fatass! I oughta kick that ass right to Japan, where they'll stab you to death and make you into ******* sushi! You're desecrated remains will be used for fish fo—

Does yo lardass body have a country or a peanut?

*Male*

Female

Now, please put your fat finger on the touch screen as we randomly select a color and call it your "aura". This will determine which pokemon you are. Yes, feel that screen protector through your bulging index finger. Feel yourself leaving your fat, ugly body and being sucked into your [DUAL-SCREENED HANDHELD VIDEO GAME CONSOLE DEVELOPED BY NINTENDO] and into the world of pokemon…

You aura is a radiant brown. It matches your personality perfectly. Now let's go on a grand tale spanning time and SPACE!

Just kidding; we're not done yet, we have to tell you which pokemon you are:

You have a great need for others to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.

You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage. While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. Your sexual adjustment has created problems for you.

Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

You prefer a certain amount of change and variety, and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You pride yourself as an independent thinker and don't accept others statements without satisfactory proof.

You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while others you are introverted, wary, and reserved.

Some of your aspirations tend to be unrealistic. Security is one of your major goals in life.

You are a…

Skitty!

Now, choose a "partner" to accompany you on your adventure.

Piplup

Turtwig

Pikachu

*Meowth*

Mudkip

Treecko

And what's your partner's name?

Meowth

Now on to your grand adventure, as an epic tale of greatness is about to unfold into an explosion of awesomeness. Enter the world of [ENGLISH]-speaking Pokemon as the narrator ceases to speak…


End file.
